Trip December 1998, Pyatigorsk, Russia
Ellen Abromson
JUSTIN COMES HOME
He
comes from a land so far away,
My little baby Justin;
His Mummy went one
winter's day,
To get her baby Justin;
He said if you give me candy and
lollipops,
Then I will stay with you;
I'll be your little boy each day,
And always I'll be true.
Justin and I sing
this little jingle together and he laughs and smiles. When I look into the beautiful
green eyes of my son, I think about how the odds were weighed against this happy
outcome. I am a single mom of three boys! Although this is a role I never quite
imagined for myself, it is more rewarding and more challenging than I could ever
have predicted.
My oldest son, Eugene,
was adopted at the age of nine from Latvia. I had seen his photograph in someone's
adoption photo album and had fallen in love. Although Latvian children are usually
assigned and not chosen, due to his age I was able "to choose." Well-meaning
friends warned me against adopting an older child with tales of attachment disorder,
extreme behavior, and adjustment problems. But, I knew he was meant for me. So,
in December 1996, I proceeded to bring him home. The boys and girls in his group
recited poems and sang songs to wish Eugene a good life in America. It just broke
my heart when one girl in the group asked, "When is my mummy coming for me?"
I knew most of them would never be adopted (many, in fact, were not available
for adoption). The critics were proven wrong when Eugene was as nearly perfect
as any nine-year-old boy could be.
Several
months later, I was contacted directly by the Latvian coordinator and asked if
I would be interested in adopting a boy from Eugene's orphanage group as a brother
for Eugene. So, in August 1997, I returned to Latvia to pick up Simon, who was
also nine (seven and a half months younger than Eugene). Now, Simon's transition
was not smooth sailing, but that story is outside the scope of this tale and I
am pleased to say that his behavior and adjustment have improved considerably
since his arrival.
I was sure my family
was complete with two active boys. But I hadn't counted on how I would react to
a photo I saw on an adoption web site. Justin was listed on Precious in His Sight
and Cradle of Hope (the agency) web sites, as a special needs child. With his
huge green eyes and a winning smile, in short, he was adorable. But, he was missing
fingers and toes and thus Cradle of Hope had been looking for a family for him
for nearly three years with no success. I called Cradle of Hope and they sent
me five videos of Justin. Normally, a family is lucky to get a few minutes of
video of a child. However, because Justin had been listed for so long, many videos
were made as visits to the orphanage occurred for other children to be united
with their families. As I watched the videos, I was convinced Justin could do
everything and that his missing digits would be no handicap at all. The videos
showed a bright, alert child. Justin was four years old and sometime after he
reached five he would have to leave the relative safety of the orphanage for babies
and toddlers for another institution. Because of his perceived disability, he
could be sent to a horrible "home for the handicapped," where he would
never go to school and has no chance for adoption.
I
became determined to adopt Justin after discussing it with Eugene and Simon and
getting a positive response. A final consideration was financial. I had already
drained my financial resources to accomplish the other two adoptions. But, with
a loan from A Child Waits Foundation
and a small grant from Cradle of Hope, I was going to get Justin!
In
December 1998, I traveled to Pyatigorsk, Russia to get Justin. He had just turned
five years old. I was supposed to travel in August when some changes in the Russian
adoption law occurred that delayed my trip at the last minute. Unfortunately,
Justin had already been told that his mummy was coming to get him. When I went
to the orphanage in December, I was told that the orphanage director wanted to
speak with me. She told me that I had a most unusual son. When my arrival was
delayed, Justin had said, "I'm not eating until my mummy comes to get me."
She laughed and said, "We have never seen a child so anxious for his mother.
Of course, we've never had a child go on a hunger strike either." She told
me they had the worst time getting him to eat and only when they told him they
would tell his mummy not to come if he didn't eat, did he start eating again.
From the moment we met, he was bonded. It was simple. I was his mom. The day I
went to pick him up the director said that the night before, beaming with happiness,
he went to everyone in the orphanage and said good-bye. "I'm going with my
mummy tomorrow." Despite the fact that he had been in the children's home
since he left the maternity hospital, there was no fear or apprehension, only
pure joy at having a mom.
When we were in Moscow processing his visa, someone asked him in Russian if he was happy about going to America with his mom. He said something that was translated back to me as, "She gave me candy and lollipops and I will stay with her always." Here lies the origin of our little song.
I am pleased to say that Justin has had two operations that made him four partial
fingers on his right hand (since he had just a thumb). In combination with his
thumb and two fingers on his left hand, he does everything. His manual dexterity
is so good that his school decided he didn't need occupational therapy. Justin
is a wonderful boy and I am so proud to have him as my son.
Eugene Abromson, Simon Abromson, & Justin Abromson
December 1996, August
1997, & December 1998