Untitled Document

Thomas & Patricia Alexander

It was January of 2003, and it was time to do research for an adoption. I had had the final straw. I have had infertility problems for so many years that the last resort finally hit me. It was a tough decision, but one that I was determined to get a child out of the deal. My husband Tom and I had our discussions about it, most of them not mutual by all means. Tom was 47 years old; I was 41, that is why we didn't see eye to eye because of our age. He was through trying to have more children. He had two sons from a previous marriage and only one from the two of us together. I wasn't done, I wanted more children. He said he was getting to old and that we should forget about it. Well I wasn't going to give up. We went through a lot to find the money through banks, loans, and relatives. Some things were ok, and some were not. You can go into debt for the rest of your life, but what is life but debt whatever you do. I was persistent; I told him I was doing it with or without him, isn't that funny. Hence, the battle/journey began.

It took all of the whole year from start to finish having our new little girl. Her name is Samantha Alexander and she is from Novocheknuk, Russia. She is the wonder after modern medicine that helped us achieve our dream. My husband had three boys, but always wanted a girl and the same for me. She will be two years old in February and we will have a big birthday bash. For a long time there we didn't think we would be going anywhere because the process took so long.

The process is a long one for sure, but in the end it sure is worth it. There is so much work involved and if you don't have a cooperative employer, you will run into problems when having to take off work to take care of legal matters, paperwork, copying, and appointments. It took a lot of time for me to do all of this work. My husband the shift worker that he is, could not get something appostilled or when something had to be sent in by a deadline, it had to be done by a certain time and most of the time it was me.

The process is very stressful; it is time consuming and anyone adopting that expects anything less is in for a rude awakening. It can cause stress on ones relationship, cause arguments and flat out make you just want to breakdown and cry, (I did it many times.) Everybody tells me it's all worth it, well yes, but that stress makes you want to just scream and forget about it. You have to have a good support system or you'll drive yourselves crazy. Having family and friends is the best and most needed part of an adoption. I found some people supportive and some not so; I hung on to those who were my livelihood. I couldn't have made it through it all if it weren't for everybody who supported us. Our agents were very supportive too and were always available to help us through thick and thin. Use any means possible to use every resource to help with anything that they can, it can cut down on the things you have to do and someone else can share the load here and there.

Getting yourself organized is the most important. I have always been one to be organized, but for some it is torture. Well this again is another thing that two people or more have to do in order to get the job done. Having things done the right way is the only way to get the job done in a timely fashion. Asking question after question is the best bet too. Don't think that any one question is too stupid to ask, that's what the people get paid to do, helping us families to get through the adoption process. After the process is done and you have accepted the referral, now you wait for the big day they say you're on your way.
Well hold onto your hats because this is where you get to see the plan in action. We did pretty well with our travel arrangements, (made by the agency's travel agent) and we had no problems with our flights or times. We were on schedule, but things can and will happen if things get out of order. Having to do two trips was even harder because it is two times everything; two times the hotel, food and other expenses that come out your pocket.

The first trip was more time with the child, more time for sight seeing and plays, but the second trip was all business. When my husband and I got to Russia it was in December and everything is extremely busy. Everyone is trying to get everything done before the end of the year. The income taxes have to be done and it is a bother if you wait a long time to get the adoption done then have to wait until the next year to file for the income taxes. So rush, rush, rush it is for everyone. The coordinators now have no time to socialize and have 30 families or more waiting their turn to get their stuff done.

Everyone Tom and I dealt with were the best at everything that they did, and we didn't have any problems. The only thing that causes problems is communication issues. Make sure your coordinators know what is going on with you and make sure they do what you need before they leave you for the evening because if they aren't there at the hotel or orphanage, you're on your own if you don't have a phone number. Make sure people have their cell phones with them. It is a problem if people can't be reached after hours. Make sure you have your flight information up to par before leaving the country and make sure to ask questions. And finally, remember your list of what to bring for the trip for yourselves and the child/children so everyone can be as comfortable as possible because you're going to need it for the flights home.

I hope this gives people some insight about what is expected. It is not my wish to scare people, but to inform other parents because it is a different thing to do when adopting and not something that everyone does all the time. It is better to have some ideas and information before you start your journey then not to have anything at all. I wish all families the best of luck and hope everything runs as smoothly as possible for you all. God bless you all and have a safe, fun and rewarding journey with the new addition/additions to your family. Thank you to A Child Waits Foundation for their help.