Our Story
Ever since I first saw the documentary on TV regarding the plight of the Romanian orphans, international adoption has always been something I felt compelled to do. At the time, we had 4 young children so I didn't feel the time was right nor did I have the energy to investigate it further. In the winter of 2001, I came across the Kidsave International website and thought that the whole idea of hosting a child from a Russian orphanage for the summer would be a wonderful experience. We agree to be a host advocate family for an 11-year-old boy by the name of Sergei. At the time of his arrival, we were foster parents to an 18-month-old little girl that we were hoping to adopt. We knew that it would not be possible due to state regulations for us to adopt Sergei before our little girl's case had been closed. We did not have a clue how long that was going to take. Our job would be to provide Sergei with the experience of life in a family and also introduce him to other families who would be interested in adoption.
Sergei arrived in July of 2001 and immediately made himself at home. I was amazed how well he adapted and became one of the kids. By this time, we already had 6 children - four biological and soon to be 2 adopted through foster care. The summer progressed nicely and during that time we believed we had found a family for Sergei. Everything seemed to be going well and even though we were saddened with the thought of not being parents to Sergei, we were thrilled he would have a forever family. He went back to Russia in August, as required by the Russian government, and we assumed the family was proceeding as planned. By winter, it started to look like things were not going to happen with this other family. I started writing to Sergei and kept the relationship going. Unfortunately, due to circumstances with the other family a whole year went by with nothing being accomplished on Sergei's behalf. By the fall of 2002, our little girl's case was being closed and we would be able to adopt her. Sergei was still on our mind. We started discussing the possibility of his adoption with Kidsave. Lauren from the LA office was so influential in making this happen for us that I can never thank her enough. As much as we wanted to do this, financially it seemed impossible. Lauren suggested we apply to A Child Waits Foundation. With the Foundations help and the generosity of others we were able to make Sergei our son in April of 2003.
The
dossier process went smoothly and we really only had one setback before we were
able to travel. Normand and I left for Russia on Easter Sunday April 20, 2003.
It was a long flight 10hours but we arrived in Moscow around 11:30am. We were
met by our coordinator who drove us to the train station to make another 6 hour
trip to Smolensk. The train ride was interesting. The train resembled something
from back in time and never seemed to reach a speed of more than 35 mph! I think
I could have driven to the city in about 1 ½ hours instead of the 6 hours
by train. It would stop along the way in the middle of nowhere and just sit. I
assume waiting for other trains to pass. Finally, we reached Smolensk and were
met by our driver who promptly drove us to our hotel.
The next morning the
coordinator in the region - Vita, who spoke great English, met us. Unfortunately,
our court date had been postponed until the next day due to the judge's illness.
We spent one very boring day hanging out in our hotel room. We did venture out
once to attempt to order a pizza. We thought we were ordering a whole pizza and
ended up with 2 slices! We did not feel very comfortable wandering around so we
went back to the hotel.
The
next day we went to court and met Sergei for the first time in over 2 yrs. He
was now 13 and had grown a little. Still pretty thin, he seemed happy to see us
but very reserved. Court went smoothly with no complications. Vita knows her stuff
and everything went as planed. Later that afternoon we went by car to Moscow but
decided we wanted to stop at Sergei's orphanage. We were a little concerned about
visiting but felt it was necessary to properly understand where he came from.
Our driver had a very nice Audi equipped with a radar detector and he used it.
I thought I was probably not going to make it back to the states in one piece
as every time the radar detector would go off he would slam on his brakes and
everything on the back window would come sailing off. Eventually, we did get pulled
over by the police. We sat on the side of the road for about 15 minutes as the
driver - money in hand - argued his case. I had visions of seeing the inside of
a Russian jail- not something I was longing to do.
We
did make it to the orphanage which is in the town of Gagarin. As we pulled in,
we were greeted by many kids and some orphanage workers. The buildings are very
old and not in good repair as are most of the houses and buildings we came across.
I was certainly not prepared for how old and rundown things were. People had told
me that we in America live in Disney World compared to the Russian countryside.
They were correct. I think many times we take for granted what we have in this
country. At the orphanage, I felt like the pied piper. As we walked through the
grounds and buildings children would appear, follow us for a while and then disappear.
New kids would then appear trying to figure out who these "Americans"
were. We had given Sergei a new gameboy so that was a big hit with his friends.
The workers were very nice and asked if we wanted to see the school and the inside
of the orphanage. The inside was clean but seemed much older than its 80 years.
It was heartbreaking to see all these wonderful children just longing for a family
and probably knowing their chances were slim since most of these kids were older
and the their time was running out. Russian law dictates that once a child reaches
the age of 16, they are no longer available for adoption unless they are being
adopted with a sibling. While we were there, I met a sweet little 9-year-old girl
by the name of Anastasia whom I was determined to learn more about. More on that
later. I had a great time visiting with these children and would have loved to
spend all day but Vita said it was time to leave, as we had to drive to Moscow
for the second leg of our journey. Both Normand and I left that place different
people with tears in our eyes - forever changed.
We
made it to Moscow after several attempts at finding the right street. It seems
our driver was not quite sure where we were going. At last, we made it to our
hotel and settled in. We met up with the Moscow coordinator - Boris who helped
us fill out information needed for the US Embassy. He showed us an all night grocery
store, a pizza place and a kid's cafe all within a few blocks of our hotel. We
would visit the pizza place frequently and they must have thought, "Here
comes those crazy Americans that order a whole pizza!" I guess that is not
done much because the only other person I saw with a whole pizza was a Chinese
man. I felt much more at ease walking around in Moscow. We still didn't venture
very far due to the language barrier. We are not that adventurous. We were very
lucky to meet up with another American staying at our hotel that was adopting
3 older boys whom he had met through Kidsave. It was great for the kids to have
someone to talk to in Russian and great for us to hear another English word.
The next day Sergei was taken for his passport photo and
then his physical. All went well other than the doctor said he had an abscessed
tooth that should be looked at. We opted to pass on the Russian dentist and wait
until we got home since Sergei said this was an on going problem since 2001. Next
we went back to the hotel and waited for Boris to arrange our appointment with
the US Embassy for Sergei's Visa. We did that later in the day and I was amazed
to see the number of families there adopting children. We received our paperwork
without any problems and were on our way. We had arrived in Russia on Monday the
21st and by Friday we were done and technically could have gone home but because
of the Russian holiday - it was now coming up on their Easter - there were no
flights home. We took Saturday and Sunday to hang out and do some sight seeing.
It was great having our new friend Garry and his boys with us. We visited Red
Square which is mind boggling to realize the history behind this place and that
we were actually there. The place I really wanted to see was St Basils. We did
see some of it but it was under renovations. The only drawback to the sightseeing
was the weather. Even Boris said it was unusually cold. All of the sudden, we
were in the middle of this huge snow squall. We ducked into a mall to warm up
and then decided to visit Arabat Street which is known for its street vendors
and haggling. Since Garry is from NJ/NY he was great at this. We bought nice souvenirs
for the family and ended the day by a trip to McDonalds - yes, McDonalds. Sunday
was the Easter holiday in Russia and our hotel was on the grounds of the Russian
patriarch. It was beautiful to hear the church bells and we watched the service
on TV. Sergei was taking everything in stride but still very quiet. We flew home
Monday morning.
It didn't take long for Sergei to fit back into the family.
It was like flipping a light switch. As soon as he got with the kids he was his
old self, he was happy, outgoing and funny. He started school a few weeks after
arriving home. We have an ESL teacher and he seemed to like school.
It has been 10 months since Sergei has been home. In Russia, he weighed 901bs. He now weighs 122 and has grown several inches. I was looking at photos taken back in April when he first arrived and can't believe the difference now. He was so pale and thin. He speaks incredible English, plays indoor soccer and it seems like he has always been part of our family. He is in all regular classes in school - 7th grade and is quite the hit with all the young ladies. For anyone contemplating adopting an older child, I say do your homework, be educated, work with a good agency and go for it. Hosting a child through Kidsave was a great way to see how Sergei would fit into our family. This adoption certainly tops the list as one of the best things we've ever done. I can't thank A Child Waits and Kidsave enough for all their help. Without them we would never have been able to know this wonderful child. Oh and what about that little girl Anastasia we met at the orphanage? Well, with a lot of work and perseverance we were able to host her and her brother and plan on adopting them soon.
Regards,
Cindy and Normand Aube