After almost 1-1/2 years of actively pursuing my adoption and three referrals later, I finally arrived home with my son, Dylan, just before Thanksgiving and the holiday season of 2001. It seemed that my process was filled with unfulfilled promises and commitments, lies and deceit as well as the typical governmental delays, elections and shutdowns. But the one thing that was constant and that I could rely on was the support from A Child Waits Foundation. Without their help and patience, I wouldn't have been able to successfully complete my adoption. I am eternally grateful for their help in my journey of bringing home my son.
In November of 2000, I was expecting to have my adoption from Russia completed by Christmas 2000. My dossier was completed by the end of August and sent over to Russia for translation. My agency was using the same process that had worked with other single male clients without difficulty. They were expecting a referral for me within a couple of weeks, which would be the middle of September. At the end of September, I started to call my agency weekly for an update and received very little information. By the middle of October the agency told me that they were expecting my referral by the end of October, but they did have one boy that had just become available due to problems with another family that was adopting him. They offered to send me the information and I agreed. This was an 18-month-old boy with curly blond hair. He was very cute and touched my heart and so I gave the agency the word to proceed. Two weeks later at the end of October, I got the word that they wanted me to travel to Russia within two weeks and the agency had me expedite my visa. During November, two days before I was to leave to see my future son, I was told by the agency that the adoption was not going to happen because Russia would not allow a single man to adopt.
I spent the rest of the month, November 2000, trying to understand what the real issue was in Russia regarding the adoption. It was obvious to me that my agency didn't know. Every time that I asked the agency what the problem was, I received a different answer: " there is a new inspector that won't allow single men to adopt, Moscow is shutting down all single parent adoptions both men and women, it is the age of the child maybe if you adopt an older child", etc. After personally talking to agencies all over the country, even some that had men going through the same region, I received information from one end of the spectrum to the other. There was no consensus on the problem or even the possibility of single men adopting.
Through my research I met many wonderful contacts and received valuable information. At then end of November 2000, the possibility of my adopting through Russia looked bleak and I asked the agency for their recommendation. The agency recommended that I switch to Romania because they had already checked and assured me that I would not have a problem there. They had a referral for me, a 2-year-old boy. He was a little older then I initially wanted but looked very healthy and happy. I agreed to go forward with the Romanian referral at the beginning of Dec. 2000. Upon acceptance I confirmed with the agency that I would not have any problems. They wanted to double check before I submitted my paperwork.
I was supposed to hear from the agency by Christmas whether the Romanian adoption was going to be possible. My process was already delayed by 3 weeks while they were trying to confirm my situation. (This was after they had already assured me that I would have no problems.) I contacted the agency to get the final word to move forward only to hear that they were unable to confirm anything until mid January 2001 due to elections.
I lost confidence in my agency although I was still hopeful and waited to see what was going to develop. Right after Christmas I began to pursue a Bulgarian adoption independent of the agency through a contact I made over the Internet. I had been approved in my homestudy for two children so that was not going to be an issue. The hope was that I would be able to complete two adoptions but if nothing else, at least one of them would come through.
January 2001
Bulgaria
I had received my referral and traveled to Bulgaria to see my future son. It was
a quick trip with a few surprises. My son was 16 months and 16 pounds. Although
I was expecting him to be delayed, his delays were more severe then I was anticipating.
I had the video I made reviewed by a doctor familiar with children raised in these
conditions and there was great concerned as to the overall health of this child.
The Bulgarian doctors were adamant that his issues were only developmental. The
orphanage agreed to have someone work with him for three weeks one on one and
send me an updated video to show that he could stand on his own etc.
Romania
At the end of January I heard from my agency that they received verbal approval
from the local authority that I could adopt my son from Romania.
February 2001
Bulgaria
My process in Bulgaria had been delayed. The orphanage was having difficulty arranging
someone to work with my son. By a stroke of luck, the Director of the orphanage
made the decision to place my son in a foster home. It turned out to be one of
his caregivers that had recently retired. So my son finally began to get some
of the attention that he desperately needed. By the end of February, I received
the updated video of my son from Bulgaria. Although there were still major developmental
issues for his age, he was able to stand on his own and begin to take steps. My
doctor still cautioned me that he was at a very high risk for major health issues
due to his current status on the video. But for me, there was enough progress
made to go forward. I knew that I could deal with any issue that may come up and
that I wanted to bring my son home. His emotional condition seemed always happy,
engaged and easy going.
Romania
At the end February, I received word from the agency that they had verbal approval
from the Federal level for me to proceed. The agency gave me the go ahead to submit
my dossier. They would be sending me the updated forms to complete.
March 2001
March began as an exciting month. I was working on the final paperwork for both Bulgaria and Romania. As luck would have it, early March I sent the paperwork out for both boys on the same day. At the time, the two processes were very different, but it looked like the time frame for both boys were very close. It was looking like the end of June I would have both of them home.
April 2001
This was another exciting month. I was able to get permission to visit my son in Romania. This would be my first visit to see him. It was five weeks after submitting my dossier and I left on Easter Sunday. I was only going to be able to see him for one day, so I made arrangements to go to Bulgaria to visit my son there.
I arrived in Romania only to find out that none of my paperwork had been submitted. This was the beginning of many lies that I would be told. I was able to see my future son, which was great. I left upset about the paperwork issue but hopeful that I would be back to bring my son home from Romania.
I took the train from Romania to Bulgaria. I made arrangements to spend four days with the foster family who was taking care of my son in Bulgaria. I had a great visit while I got to know my son and the foster parents. Communication was difficult but we were able to get our messages across. My son was still developmentally delayed but making great progress. He was a very easy going little boy and very happy. He was in a loving home and I knew that he would be well taken care of until I returned to bring him home. At this point in time, I was hoping to return to bring him home by the end of June, but that was just a guess.
May 2001
Romania
Still no word or progress from Romania. My agency was unaware that none of the
paperwork had been submitted until I informed them at the end of April. I was
told that all adoptions in Romania were on hold, but that is not the information
that I was getting from my other sources. By the end of May I was in touch with
the U.S. Embassy in Romania. They were able to confirm that my son was available
for adoption. The Embassy had no explanation for why my adoption process was not
moving forward because there was no hold on these particular children. The Embassy
had been in contact with my agency's contact in Bucharest. He indicated to the
Embassy that he was preparing to submit my paperwork to the local authority in
a couple of weeks.
Bulgaria
At the end of May, I learned that my dossier had been approved by the Ministry
of Health in Bulgaria and was being forward to the Ministry of Justice. I was
finally making some headway, which was good news for me.
June 2001
Romania
My frustration continued to mount with my Romanian adoption. My agency was reiterating
the comments of their facilitator in Romania that nothing could be done because
adoptions were put on hold. My agency did not accept as fact any of the information
that I was forwarding. They continued to require that I get the specific names
of the individuals before they would act on it. First, it was who I talked to
at the Embassy and then who the Embassy talked to at the Romanian Adoption Committee
and so forth. I was able to eventually provide all the information, but it took
some time. At the end of June, Romania made the official announcement that there
was a moratorium on international adoptions for one year, but it would not affect
the adoptions already in progress. That should have been good news for me, but
my agency required that I submit another request to the Embassy to see how this
official announcement would affect my case. The Embassy's reply was the same.
Based on the child I was adopting, there was no reason why my process could not
proceed without delay. I could not get any information from my agency regarding
the status on my paperwork.
Bulgaria
Meanwhile in Bulgaria, the adoption process had slowed due to elections in the
country. But I finally heard at the end of June that I had received the Ministry
of Justice sign-off. Now it was the wait for a court date. The hope was that the
process would be complete by the end of July and that maybe I could travel in
August.
July
2001
Romania
I continued to push my agency for answers as to why my adoption was not proceeding.
There were many delays in the communication between the agency and their contact.
I was finally told that the contact had a meeting with the local authorities at
the end of July. When I contacted the agency for an update after that meeting,
I was told that the Romanian contact had talked to the local authorities but he
could not leave my file. He would be returning for another meeting around August
4th. He would leave my file at that time "if he was allowed to do so".
Bulgaria
The news in Bulgaria was that they were closing their courts down on the 15th
of July instead of the 30th due to renovations. I was anxiously waiting to hear
if I was going to court for my case before the courts closed. It turns out that
my lawyer was able to have my case heard and approved on the 16th. Unfortunately
there needed to be additional signatures and paperwork done that had to wait until
the courts started up again. The good news was that my case was approved and Dylan
was officially my son. The bad news was that I would have to wait until the middle
of September to finalize the paperwork and to start the last part of the process
to bring Dylan home.
August 2001
Romania
Devastating news from Romania. The US Embassy had contacted me to let me know
that they received official notification that a Swiss family had adopted my son
back in June. I couldn't believe it, yet I was not surprised. I knew in my gut
that something had been going on. I contacted my agency for a report on the results
of the August 4th meeting in which their contact was going to plead my case. The
agency director was not available and was in Guatemala. The next day I received
an e-mail from the director who was in Guatemala forwarding an e-mail from their
contact. "I am sorry to inform you that Mr. Evers had been declined by the
local committee to adopt Alex…". Little did they know that I already
had the truth about my adoption process. I waited for the director to return back
to the States to confront her. When we talked, she assured me that she had a long
working history with her contact, Aurel (Dan) Vasile, that they were close friends
as well as business associates and that their families were very close. I gave
her all the information and back up that I had which proved that her contact had
been lying all along. Based on her reaction, it appeared to me that she was not
involved in the deception, but that didn't help my situation. My son was gone
after I had been working for 9 months to try to bring him home. This was the second
failed adoption with this agency after they assured me that there would be no
problems with the Romanian process.
Bulgaria
Bulgaria was on hold due to the summer holidays. Although it looked like everything
was a "done deal", I wasn't going to accept it until I had Dylan home.
After what I had gone through over the past year, nothing was a sure thing until
I had my son home….so I waited.
Out of desperation and fear of a looming third failed international adoption, I sent my dossier in to a domestic agency that agreed to hold any fees until their was a placement. It was a long shot, but at the moment I had nothing to lose, so in the mail it went.
Meanwhile, I came across an opportunity to purchase a larger home and one that is a lot more kid-friendly. It just required being able to sell my current home and having to move. Fortunately, the new house was close to my existing house.
September 2001
Bulgaria
By the middle of September, things started to pick up again. I heard that I received
the required signatures and the papers had to be filed back in the courts. There
was a ten-day waiting period after the papers were filed before the process could
proceed. I received word on Sept. 20 that the final decree is expected in my lawyer's
hands on Oct. 2nd.
On
the home front, I listed my home at the beginning of September a couple of days
before the 9/11 disaster. It was a little stressful not knowing how everything
was going to turn out after 9/11. How would this affect the housing market and
how would this affect traveling to pick up my son? I just had to rely on faith
that somehow it would all work out. To my good fortune, I had a buyer within two
weeks of listing my home that was going to pay cash. The buyer wanted the closing
to be at the beginning of October.
October 2001
Bulgaria
More delays on the paper work as usual. By the 24th, I finally get word that all
the information has arrived and is in the system as needed. The paperwork for
the passport had to be submitted and it would take 30 days. I am given the OK
to go ahead and make my arrangements to travel to Bulgaria at the beginning of
November. I plan to travel a little early so that I can spend about a week with
my son and his foster family to help with my son's transition. I had stayed with
his foster family once before and it seem to be the right thing to do. There is
some concern about getting the passport ready in time for me to return, but we
plan to meet with the chief of Police in order to expedite the passport process.
I was only going to need to have the passport a few days early.
On the homefront, my house closes at the beginning of October. I asked for a little more time so that I could move. This was really something that I wasn't planning on happening so soon. But by the end of October I was in the new house, waiting for my new family. If there is nothing else that I have learned from this process, is that you have to be flexible. Nothing goes as planned no matter how hard you try.
November 2001
I leave on November 6th to go get my son. I arrived in Sofia and stay the night. I meet the lawyer the next day. He had already spoken to the Chief of Police and was able to get my passport early. He took me to the train station so that I could take the train to Pleven to see my son and stay with the foster family.
The time with my son and the foster family was remarkable. I will never forget all that they have done for my son and me. They will always be Dylan's Baba and Dialdo.
My lawyer met me in Pleven the following Tuesday to have Dylan discharged from the orphanage and to return to Sofia for the medical appointment. Wednesday we had the Visa interview. Thursday, Dylan is mine but due to flight schedules, it is Saturday before I could leave to come home. With an overnight stay in London, I arrived home on November 18th. What a glorious day it was. Within one or two days, Grandpa arrived from Florida to help and to celebrate my first Thanksgiving with my son.
December 2001
A trip to Cincinnati to see all the cousins, aunts and uncles for Dylan's first meeting.
Now, life has been great. I have had to rely on faith that I would get the child I was meant to have and I did. It was not the path that I had planned or expected. I just tried to keep moving forward through the past 1-½ years through all the heartache and setbacks and it was not easy. But in the end, everything fell into place. I did not plan to adopt from Bulgaria but that is where I ended up and was successful. The pains of the past have been replaced with the joys of parenthood. So you can see this has been a long journey home for my family. I give thanks to God, A Child Waits Foundation and many others who did their own little part to make this happen for me.