Three days home from Russia; 11 March 2003 Jeff, Igor, Cherie

My wife Cherie Bennett and I find ourselves saying this a lot: we were absolutely, perfectly, and completely happy being a childless couple. We'd been married for thirteen years, shared our lives and our work (as writers), and had more-than-plenty of contact with children since so much of our writing was (and is) for pre-teens and teens. We were in no way, shape, or form "unfulfilled."

Which is why, in November of 2001, if you'd told us that eighteen months later we'd be the adoptive parents of an eleven year old from Vishini Volochek, Russia, we would have kindly suggested that you peer into another set of tea leaves.

The whole thing still seems more than a little unlikely.

There were three major catalysts to our totally changing our lives.

First, 9/11. It's an instant cliché to say that 9/11 changed everyone and everything forever, but clichés don't spontaneously generate. Those dreadful events shook us and made us take a hard look at our values and our lives.

Second, our friends Bill and Prof. Missy Comer at Cumberland University in Williamsburg, Kentucky. When we were invited to Cumberland as writers-in-residence in early December, 2001, we met Bill and Missy for the first time. They were essentially on beeper standby, about to go to the Russian interior to adopt a pair of newborns.

Missy and Bill got us thinking. Our grandparents came to America from Russia. So the cultural link would be there. But a number of personal factors made a newborn - or even a toddler - out of the question for us. So was there a way to get an older child? And how did we know that we could even handle an older child? And what about the language barrier? And the cost? And the change of lifestyle? And what our families would say? And where would we put a kid in our Los Angeles --

You get the idea. We're never shy about asking questions.

So, my wife Cherie went to the Internet. And found reason number three, Kidsave International (www.kidsave.org). This astonishing organization has, over the past several years, brought more than a thousand Russian, Kazakhstani, and now Columbian orphans and social shelter kids age 5 to 16 to America for a summer experience. Kidsave kids in America are placed with American families, attend American summer day camp, etc. They have to return to their nations of origin at the end of six weeks.

(Mostly) adoptable kids at Igor's social shelter, Vishini Volochek, Russia March 2002

Kidsave isn't an adoption agency. Their larger purpose is to advocate for the abandoned children of these nations who face the bleakest future imaginable. But Kidsave miracles do happen. A very high percentage of Kidsave summer children end up adopted.

So when we signed up to be a Kidsave host, we pretty much knew what we were getting ourselves into. Still, it was no sure thing on our end, and awfully presumptuous to assume that a kid would want to cast their lot in with us.

We wanted to host a boy. I have three brothers, Cherie has two brothers, and we do a lot of our writing for girls. Balance would be good. Enter The Russian Rocket, Igor (pronounced EA-ger) Sergeyev. Age nine years and ten months on the day he arrived for his Kidsave summer. Total English vocabulary: the numbers one through ten, plus hello and good-bye and thank-you. Words quickly acquired: bathroom, may I please be excused? Swim! You are going down!

Igor's personal story shall be left to Igor to tell. (Emphasis, Igor's!) Suffice to say that he came to us after a relatively brief stay in a social shelter in Vishini Volochek, a town of about 30,000 that's about halfway between Moscow and St. Petersburg. Igor had just finished Russian third grade, and could recite Pushkin poems without much difficulty. He read and wrote Russian well, which made it possible for us to communicate via the PROMT Russian-English translation program on my laptop (I carried it everywhere). We have a number of Russian-speaking friends here in Los Angeles, and all of them volunteered to act as ad-hoc translators for us.

He was (and is) smart, articulate, inquisitive, jock-ish, and compassionate. We loved having him in our family. We knew inside of twenty-one days that we wanted to adopt him.

Cherie, Igor, and Jeff, Kidsave summer 2002

But the decision was not entirely ours to make. In Russia, once a child achieves the age of ten, he must consent to his own adoption. This is not a pro-forma thing, either. Rather, during the adoption proceeding, she or he is brought before the judge in the formal Russian courtroom and asked a series of fairly blunt questions to make sure that the child understands the gravity of the decision.

Igor and his friend Sergei Hudson, Kidsave summer 2002

A party at home in October 2002, and a Russian/English message to Igor!

We weren't absolutely certain until a few weeks into September, 2002 that Igor wanted us as much as we wanted him. When we got that good news, we were overjoyed.

The adoption process is an expensive pain-in-the-neck-or-worse, no matter how you go about it. For us, it was as smooth as could be, for a couple that didn't even begin the paperwork process until September 2002. Homestudy and INS approvals were done quickly. We had the strong support of an excellent agency (Global, out of their Wyoming office www.adoptglobal.org), and Kidsave here in Los Angeles.

Via the Internet, I made friends with an English-speaking professor at Tver State University and with the head of computer programming for the Tver region bus lines. This latter family invited me to homestay with them during my lengthy stay in Tver - my wife came over late in the process in time for court - and helped us get every-other-day letters via computer and the Russian mail system to Igor at his shelter. Our dear friends Peter and Iveta Brekko - recent immigrants from Latvia - were principal ad-hoc translators during the Kidsave summer and did phone-translation duties when we called Igor every Thursday between September and our arrival in Russia:

The date: approximately December 3, 2002:

IGOR (via translator)
When are you coming?

US (via translator)
In late March. Maybe April.

IGOR (via translator)
That's so long!

Everyone pitched in. Our families were generous with both time and funding. We got some welcome help from A Child Waits Foundation (God bless it!: www.achildwaits.org). In fact - and I think it would be true for anyone considering adopting a so-called older child - people were bending over backwards to help us. For this cause, who could say "no?" Who'd want to look at themselves in the mirror, afterward? Our gratitude remains overflowing.

The date: February 13, 2003

US
Hey Igor!

IGOR
Da?

US (via translator)
When did we say we'd be coming to Russia?

IGOR (via translator)
The end of March. Maybe April.

US (via translator)
What would you say if we told you
Jeff was arriving in Moscow the day
after tomorrow?

IGOR (no translator needed)
Wow!

Reunion in Vishini Volochek, Russia, March 2003

Our adoption visit to Russia (arrived 15 February 2003, home on 8 March 2003) were some of the most interesting and exciting weeks of our lives. Worth a whole other essay - one that I'll write sometime, I'm sure.

Igor was sleeping in Los Angeles in his bed, in his room, on the night of 8 March. We hadn't changed a thing from the summer: IGOR SLEEPS HERE was still the sign (in Russian and English) on his door. Everything was the way he'd left it. (Of course, now the sign is down in favor of photos of him doing Taekwondo and basketball. Some things do change).

Our experience over the past eight months seems almost otherworldly, considering what Igor has accomplished and how our lives have changed.

Taekwondo tournament, bronze medal, May 2002

We're fortunate to be professional writers, so home-schooling was an option. We home-schooled him for three months, at the "Dickens Street Academy of Rapid English Acquisition" a.k.a. our dining room table. He acquired rapidly, to say the least. He turned into a rabid basketball fan in general and of the Lakers in particular. We did a very smart thing and put him in Taekwondo classes his third day in America, where he could watch carefully and copy what the other kids did. He quickly became (and remains) a legend in his studio, progressing through four belts already. He has traveled with us on a summer-long writing project to Utah, and is a happy fifth grader at Beth Hillel Day School here in Los Angeles, a liberal Jewish day school. He has friends. Lots of friends.

Igor and his friend Jake studying at home, September 2003

And we half-jokingly talk about that dreaded day when the phone rings and a pubescent girl's voice on the other end giggles . . .

PUBESCENT GIRL
(giggling)
Um…hi. Can I speak to Igor?

US
(stern)
Who is this?

PUBESCENT GIRL
(even more giggling)
Ashley / Rachel / Jo / Rebecca / Alina etc.

US
Sure. But first, fax over your report card!

Oh, there've been bumps in the road. There are with any kid. But there's been nothing we can't handle if we keep our heads on at least halfway straight. For us, adoption has been a miracle.

Igor drives to the hoop, November 2003 (Los Angeles)

The card we sent out announcing the adoption said it simply: "And now, we are three." And so we are.

Now, and forever.

Jeff Gottesfeld and Cherie Bennett
Los Angeles, CA
AuthorChik@aol.com
www.cheriebennett.com

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