When I decided I wanted to adopt a baby, I looked into the various ways to go about it. Considering that I am a single female in my mid-forties, I found that an international adoption would be the best way to go. Two co-workers had adopted babies internationally - a male co-worker and his partner adopted two girls from China, and a female co-worker and her husband adopted twin boys from Taiwan. They both had used the same agency in Orinda, California, Heartsent Adoptions, Inc. After talking with the gals there, I didn’t look any further. They were so nice and made me feel so comfortable. The only thing holding back my excitement was my boyfriend, whom I live with. He was not at all sure he wanted a baby; he already has an 8-year-old daughter in Michigan, and he didn’t want to jeopardize that relationship. Also, he felt we were both too old to raise a baby. However, he said if this was what I really wanted, he would support me.
This was in May 1999. By July, I started the adoption process. If I didn’t have to work full time, I would have gotten through the reams of paperwork much sooner, but I plodded ahead, getting things notarized on lunch breaks, and taking half a day off here and there when I needed to. As far as financing the adoption, if it weren’t for my father and A Child Waits Foundation, I would never have been able to do it. When Cynthia called, telling me I would be getting the loan, it was the happiest day of my life (next to getting my baby!).
The day Heartsent called and said they had received a picture of "my baby," I was so nervous and excited. But when I went down to the office and first looked at the photo, I didn’t feel anything. I hadn’t thought I had a preconceived picture in my mind of what I wanted "my" baby to look like, but apparently, subconsciously, I had. Instead of the blond hair, blue-eyed little Eastern European child I was expecting to see, here was a dark haired, dark-eyed little boy staring back at me. I tried not to register my disapointment and concentrated on his background and scant medical information. His name was Ruslan, and he was in an orphanage in Tyumen in Siberia. He had some generic medical problems, and when we received a video, we sent it off to two physicians for analysis. He was only three months old in the video, so I asked Heartsent to request an updated one. By the time we got it, I had decided I wanted this baby - I had become enamored of his dark hair and beautiful brown eyes with a twinkle in them. The results of the physician analyses were good, and I told Heartsent that I wanted to accept this referral.
Heartsent uses two other agencies to coordinate their Russian adoptions. I chose Cradle of Hope in Silver Spring, Maryland. My social worker, Barbara, was a sweetie, and kept me informed of what was going on in the adoption timeline. We were told that we probably wouldn’t be traveling until March 2000, but in late January, we got a call from Barbara, letting us know that our court date was February 8, and we would need to leave in a week and a half!! The next few days were a whirlwind of shopping and packing. Clothes, bottles, diapers, toys, and food for the baby; cold weather clothes for Michael and me; donations for the orphanage; gifts for our Russian hosts; etc.! My head was spinning, and we were exhausted by the time we left for the airport. But it was a relief to finally board the plane and begin our adventure to pick up our baby!
Friday, February 4—Saturday, February 5—The 10 hour and 20 minute flight from San Francisco to Frankfurt was not bad, except that we didn’t get a movie because of technical difficulties, and we had an infant in front of us who cried off and on the whole trip. I thought "this is going to be us coming back!" After a two-hour wait in Frankfurt, we flew the rest of the 2 1/2 hours to Moscow. Irma, our coordinator/translator, was at the gate to meet us, along with Sasha, our driver. The ride to our hotel was about 45 minutes, and, as it was 8:00 at night, we couldn’t see a whole lot. It was snowing but was not as cold as we had expected. We stayed at the Marriott Tyverskya, and after a quick shower, we went out to find some place to eat. This was an adventure, as we couldn’t read any of the signs. We walked past stores with mannequins wearing clothes that looked like they were from the 50’s, and other stores we couldn’t tell what they were selling! We finally found a cafeteria-type restaurant and managed to order ... with a lot of pointing and sign language... a pizza and two salads. We also thought we had ordered two glasses of wine, but instead got a whole bottle of champagne! Then we tried to figure out how much the bill was, at first we thought it was $50, but then realized it was only $9.00!
Sunday, February 6—since our plane to Tyumen didn’t leave until late afternoon, Irma suggested that we might like to go to the Moscow Circus. She went with us to buy the tickets, then left, saying she and Sasha would pick us up at the end of the show. We went inside, feeling very foreign and hoping we didn’t look too American! Unfortunately, I’m sure we did! At events like this, as well as in restaurants, museums, etc., you’re expected to leave your coats in check-in areas, but Michael and I weren’t sure if you paid for this, or tipped, or what, so we took ours in with us, along with our video camera, the only ones who did! We had to leave before the show was over, but it was OK because the circus was, we thought, kind of tacky, not at all like a Barnum & Bailey or Cirque du Soleil circus. It was very small, also, which surprised us. We had more fun watching people than the performers!
Irma and Sasha were waiting for us when we came out, and off we went to the airport. I counted four McDonald’s on the way! The airport was small and very barren and dark. It was under construction and very cold!! There was some question at first about whether our Aeroflot flight was going to be canceled, in which case we would have to wait four hours for the next one! Fortunately, it wasn’t, and after paying $40 in rubles for being overweight in baggage, we waited a little longer, took a bus to our plane, and then were off to Siberia. We ended up meeting a man from Oklahoma City who works for an aquaculture business and travels to Russia a lot. He was very nice and kept calling us "saints" for what we were doing. The flight to Tyumen was about 2 1/2 hours on a very cramped plane which held approximately 100 people. The snack they served was cold chicken with canned peas, salami, rolls, and cookies (vanilla sandwich cookies with a tart pink filling!). As I’m vegetarian, it wasn’t too appetizing to me, so I just had juice. When we arrived at the Tyumen airport, we walked in the snow from the plane through a gate with barbed wire over it and out to the parking area. It was dark and very surreal looking. Michael and I felt like we were in an old war movie! Our coordinator and our translator, both named Irma (must be a popular name!), came up to us (guess we looked lost, and American!) and took us to the car where our driver was, to wait until "the door" opened so we could get our luggage. I stayed in the car while the others went to get the bags, and then we left for the hotel, about 45 minutes away. When we arrived and unloaded the bags, I noticed that my small blue bag was missing. After checking in, we all crammed into the car again and went back to the airport to see if it was there. Michael was not encouraging, saying it probably hadn’t made it on the plane at all and was sitting in the Moscow airport. But when we went back, a woman took us to a little dark room, and there it was! By the time we got back to the hotel, a Quality Inn, it was after 1:00 a.m. We said goodnight to the two Irinas and, since we were starving, had a very late dinner in the restaurant. We ordered a veggie pizza (we ended up having pizza a lot in Russia!) which was good, but very oily!
Monday, February 7—after a couple of hours of sleep, we had breakfast and then met the Irinas in the lobby. We were off to the orphanage, called the Baby House, to meet Cole for the first time! I was so nervous and excited. We were introduced to the orphanage director, and then went in to see Cole, who we called Ruslan while we were in Russia. He was on the changing table, being dressed by one of the nurses. He was so beautifl, looked just like he did in his photos and video. He looked at us with curiosity and didn’t cry when I held him. They bundled him up so that he could hardly move, and we were whisked out to get his passport photo taken. It was a little "hole-in-the-wall" place (one of many we were to find), and we were ushered into a small room. We had to remove several layers of clothes on Cole, but luckily just down to the waist. When we went back to the Baby House, I gave him back to one of the nurses, and we went into another room to talk to the doctor. As Irma translated, the doctor told us Cole’s medical background, his diet, and schedule. She said he was healthy, but had developmental delays, just like all the other children. Then we talked to the director, who told us about Cole’s mother, pretty much what we already knew, that she had two daughters, three abortions, and then had Cole and gave him up after six weeks. Afterward, we presented the director with the orphanage donations and gave her and the doctor their gifts.
It was lunch time, and we told the two Irinas and the driver (can’t remember his name) that we would take them to lunch. They picked a Russian restaurant that we would never have found on our own, it looked like a little house, no sign or anything! The restaurant was a medium-sized room, quite barren except for the tables and two wolf skins on the wall, and a beautiful handmade dresser with a mirror. Irma told the waiter that we wanted to try real Russian food. First he brought each of us three different drinks, all served in wine goblets, a glass of blackberry juice, a glass of crushed berry (like cranberry) juice, and a glass of a liquid that was made from bread, tasted very yeasty, but was actually rather good. We also had a bottle of champagne, so we ended up with four goblets in front of us, crowded, but very colorful! Then he brought a plate of marinated vegetables, shredded cabbage, mushrooms, onions, pickles, and potatoes. Salads were next, I had a mixed vegetable one, bell peppers, cucumbers, tomatoes; one cut like a rose and cabbage. This is a typical Russian salad, not like our tossed mixed greens salads! For entrees, Michael had some sort of fish, and I had mushrooms in a cheese sauce that was so rich, I could only eat a few bites. The presentation of all the dishes was beautiful. Fortunately, we didn’t have time for dessert, as we had to get back to the Baby House. We stayed for an hour or so until it was time for Cole’s nap, and then we went back to the hotel for a nap of our own. Around 9:00, we went to the hotel cafe for some pasta, it was good, but they do like to use a lot of oil! Time for bed, but I didn’t sleep much, too nervous for our court appearance the next day!
Tuesday, February 8—we had breakfast in the hotel cafe, then met the Irinas. They had "briefed" me the day before as to what to expect in court, so it actually went well. We went up to a little room in the courthouse. Besides Michael and myself, there were the two Irnas, the director of the Baby House, a representative of the Department of Public Education, a prosecutor, a recorder, and the judge - a cute little woman around my age or a little older. Michael was sitting next to me, and the judge told him that since I was the only one adopting Cole, that he would have to sit in the back. He went to the back of the room, although Irma told us afterwards that he could have just sat in the row behind us! With Irma interpreting, the judge asked me about a dozen or so questions, ranging from my name, age, and address, to why I wanted to adopt a Russian child, and why a boy. After questioning me, the director of the orphanage and the public health and education representative spoke a little. The judge left the room for 10 minutes, then came back in and announced I was a mother and good luck! I was officially a mom!! After lunch at the hotel, the Irinas picked us up, and we went to the baby house to visit MY SON! I wouldn’t be able to take him for good until tomorrow, but just knowing that he officially belonged to me made me dizzy (plus the fact that they kept the heat at 80+ degrees)!
After a nap at the hotel (I slept great now that the court stuff was over!), Michael and I took a cab to the World Trade Center and celebrated the adoption with dinner at the Laguna Restaurant. We ordered martinis to try the Russian vodka, but when we looked at the menus, they were all in Russian! Our waitress didn’t speak much English, and two other people tried to help, without much success. We finally ordered salads, broiled fish for Michael, and lasagna for me. There was a three-piece band, and they played some Ray Charles and a few other American songs for us, which we thought was very sweet. After dessert - a very big piece of chocolate cake - we walked back to the hotel, approximately half a mile. We definitely felt like we were in Siberia - it was COLD!
Wednesday, February 9—Irma the translator picked us up Wednesday morning to do a little sightseeing before picking up Cole. She showed us some of the official buildings in Tyumen, plus churches, statues, monuments, etc. We stopped at the museum, which was closed, and bought a book on Tyumen (in Russian and English), then went to a shopping area where we bought a few souvenirs. Then off to the Baby House to pick up Cole! One of the nurses dressed him in the clothes I had brought. After saying goodbye to his doctor and the director, we were off. Irma dropped us off at the hotel. Cole did real well his first time away from the orphanage, although I was a nervous wreck! What do I do with a baby?? Well, I figured he might be hungry and sleepy, so I fed him some baby food and put him down for a nap. It worked! He and Michael were both sleeping when the Irinas picked me up to go get his passport. They came back up to the room with me, and Irma the coordinator gave me the papers to take to the embassy in Moscow and a Russian storybook for Cole.
At our hotel, we had met two German couples who were also adopting. One of the couples - York and Valerie - had just picked up their babies - a girl and a boy - that day also. Valerie came down and asked if we wanted to celebrate in their room with some "sparkling wine." The other couple was their also, Tillman and his wife (whose name we don’t remember) and their friend, Tia, whose husband couldn’t come. She was along to visit the daughter she would adopt in March, as her paperwork wasn’t yet finished. We all went down to dinner with the babies, but I ended up leaving early. It was after 9:00 and Cole was getting cranky. After he was in bed, Michael came back up, and we started packing. Our plane to Moscow left at 7:40 the next morning, and the Irinas were coming at 6:20!
Thursday, February 10—after finishing packing, getting dressed, feeding Cole, and checking out, the Irinas and our driver took us to the airport. We checked in and then gave them their presents -purses, chocolate, and some cash. We exchanged addresses with Irma the translator, and hugs with all. Cole cried for half of the trip to Moscow. He was teething, plus had a little eye infection and sniffles. In Moscow, Irma met us at the airport, along with our driver, Andrew, a big burly guy who had a fresh wound on his nose, which Irma told us was from bumping into something, not from a fight!
Our first stop was to get Cole’s visa photo. We parked and went into another little hole-in-the-wall place. I held him and they put a sheet of white paper in front of me so I wouldn’t show! Next, Irma had Andrew take us to the Starlite Diner - a little American diner, complete with booths, ice cream parlor stools, and a jukebox! Irma and Andrew stayed in the van while Michael and Cole and I went in and had lunch. I actually had a gardenbuger - couldn’t believe it when I saw it on the menu - and french fries - most of which ended up on the floor, thanks to Cole. He also knocked over a glass of water, twice! I’m learning to be a mother quick!
After lunch, we went to the American hospital to get Cole’s medical exam. He got a thumbs up for everything except a low-grade fever, which the doctor, who was an older Russian man, said was probably due to his teething. We picked up some Tylenol on the way out and then Andrew took us to our hotel, the Marriott Tyverskya again. After checking in, we put Cole down for a nap, unpacked a little, and took a nap ourselves. Cole was fussy and crying when he woke up, so we decided to just have dinner in the hotel cafe. He was good in the restaurant for almost an hour, and then started crying. Back to the room and to bed!
Friday, February 11—We met Irma in the lobby at 9:30 and went to the American Embassy. We had to sit and wait about 45 minutes, but it was fun because there were approximately 12 other couples there too that were adopting. It was interesting to see the other children, from 6 months to 10 years, and hear where some of the couples were from. One couple turned out to be from the town in Massachusetts where Michael was born! There was another couple from California.
After we were done at the embassy, Andrew took us out to the "suburbs" of Moscow so Michael could go to a Harley Davidson shop. It was out in the middle of nowhere and he and Irma went in while I waited with Cole. Michael bought a T-shirt, and then we went back to the downtown area. We hardly saw any houses in Moscow - mostly huge tenement-type buildings - hundreds of them - and many quite rundown. I wondered how easy it was to get a plumber for a broken toilet! Some of the buildings in Moscow are really gorgeous - all the detail around windows and doorways - and every once in a while we came upon a church with a gold roof and spires. What I thought was so pretty are the buildings painted in pastel colors - pink, yellow, green, peach, and blue - very colorful. Statues are very big too - they’re everywhere! Just wish we knew what the plaques said! The metro stations are quite artistic buildings too; unfortunately, we never made it down inside one to see the artwork. I heard it’s really fantastic. Next trip!
We needed baby food, so Irma took us to a supermarket, where we bought jars of baby food, juice, bananas, chips, cheese and crackers, and some Russian vodka. The store seemed dark inside, and there was a presence of security, as there is in almost every store we went into.
We took Irma and Andrew for lunch at Planet Hollywood. We were practically the only ones in the place, but we had a nice time. I had some nacho-type thingies - one of the few vegetarian items on the menu. They were good, but again, very oily. After lunch, we were dropped off at our hotel. We read and watched TV while Cole slept. For dinner, we walked down the street and ate at a little Italian restaurant. Had pasta, salad, and red wine, very good, but we ate fast, as Cole began to get fussy again.
Saturday, February 12—Our first day on our own! Michael and I had decided, when we made our travel plans, that we’d like a couple of days to sight see. We would have preferred it at the beginning, as we figured it would be easier to get around without the baby, but as we didn’t have time before, we added the two days at the end. We decided to splurge and order room service, and then we began our adventure to Red Square. We bundled Cole up and strapped him in the stroller we had brought. After about 45 minutes of walking, he began to get fussy, so we stopped for a cappuccino for us and a bottle for him. We finally arrived at Red Square, but weren’t sure where to go. They had the actual "square" fenced off, so we couldn’t walk across it. We walked around, went into a gift shop, then decided to have lunch. We went to an American-type restaurant and ordered pizza and salad from the salad bar, which was great - lots of marinated peppers, eggplant, and mushrooms. Cole did really well, he was happy and smiling, and the waitress brought him a balloon. I changed him on the floor of the bathroom, which I did a few times on the trip. We went back to Red Square and tried to find the Amory. Michael showed a picture of it to a guard, who kind of told us in sign language where to go. We finally found where to buy tickets, and a gal who led English-speaking tours showed us where to go to get in line. Thank goodness for her, because I think we’d still be walking around trying to find where to go! Almost nothing is in English, so it’s not easy to get around! After standing in line for about 20 minutes, we were let in. The armory is made up of three floors in the Kremlin, where many of the jewels, artifacts, and riches of the last few centuries are on display. It was a gorgeous collection! We went through pretty quickly so Cole wouldn’t get fussy, but he ended up doing great. We had a good time looking at all the beautiful objects and works of art. Also, since we couldn’t read anything about any of the items, we could just move along and take in all the sights! After walking around Red Square a little more - St. Basil’s Cathedral is astonishing - looks like it should be in Disneyland! - we took a cab home. After a long day, we ordered room service for dinner.
Sunday, February 1 3—our last day in Moscow. We got up, had breakfast, and took a car from the hotel to Arbatt Street. It’s a cute little street with lots of shops and restaurants, and vendor stalls set up in the middle, selling all sorts of touristy souvenirs. This is where we bought T-shirts, madrushkas (the stacking dolls), little handpainted wooden boxes, etc. It was fun walking up and down the street. We stopped once for a cappuccino and again for lunch in a diner-type place. We were the only ones there, and most of the things we asked for on the menu, they didn’t have. The waitress didn’t understand what we meant when we tried explaining we wanted something without meat, so we ended up with chips and salsa, a salad for me, and huevos rancheros for Michael!
We took a cab back to the hotel and put Cole down for a nap while we packed. When we went down to the front desk to get a car, we inquired about where to buy some baby food. The gal at the front desk looked up a place, and the driver took us on a 10-mile trip through Moscow to this place that didn’t even look open on the outside. But inside, they had everything for babies! We bought some food, juice, and a teether for the plane trip home. Then we went to Red Square to see it at night - took some pictures of St. Basil’s Cathedral all lit up - beautiful! For dinner we went back to our pizza restaurant. Took a cab home, finished packing, and went to bed, to get about four hours sleep!
Monday, February 14 - Valentine’s Day—The alarm rang at the awful hour of 3:30 am, and we showered, dressed, finished packing, and then got Cole up, dressed, and fed. Then off we went with Irma and Andrew to the airport. The first part of the trip to Frankfurt was not too bad - Cole was a little cranky, but the worst was yet to come! After two hours in the Frankfurt airport, we boarded our plane to San Francisco. Unfortunately, we didn’t get the seats we were hoping for, where there is more room and they bring you a bassinette for the baby. Instead, we were at the back of the plane, squished in the window and middle seats, with Cole on our laps. Luckily, the guy sitting on the aisle seat was nice, as we had to keep getting up with Cole and climbing over him. Between his teething, never being on a plane for such a long time before, still getting used to us, and just being a baby, Cole was not a happy camper for most of the 12-hour flight. He fussed and cried and wiggled, until he finally conked out for the last two hours. Needless to say, we were exhausted! But getting off that plane and walking into the San Francisco airport was wonderful! It was over an hour before we saw my mom and dad - after waiting for our luggage and then going through immigration and customs. Finally, Cole met his new grandma and grandpa! It was a happy meeting - with lots of tears and hugs! My father called Cole their "little Valentine" since it was Valentine’s Day. They drove home, where we found a new crib set up for Cole, and a big balloon bouquet, and a bunch of new clothes and stuffed animals! It was the end of a long journey - not only to Russia and back, but the journey of adopting my son - Cole Ruslan Richard Granata!
August 20, 2000—I can’t believe it has been six months that we have had Cole. The time has gone by so fast! Cole is 16 months old now and is a happy, healthy baby. He’s not quite walking and not quite talking (at least not anything legible!), but he’s curious about everything, laughs a lot, and makes us laugh all the time! He is a great eater (especially loves pizza, pasta, tofu, and bananas) and has slept through the night ever since we brought him home. Our dog and three cats, after the initial shock, are rather indifferent to having a baby in the house. They usually just try to stay out of his way. Oh, and Michael - the one who didn’t think having a baby was a good idea? You can’t pry him away from Cole when they’re together. He loves being Daddy, carries Cole’s picture in his wallet, spoils him with toys and treats, and worries about his every sniffle! As for me, I can’t imagine life without Cole. Having a baby - especially at this stage in my life -is definitely a change in lifestyle, but it is a happy change, and I definitely love being a mom. Cole is everything I could have wished for and more. He is my joy and the light of my life!
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