Our Journey to Emily

Josh and I were married in June of 1999 and we knew that we wanted to have children. Being both of us were in our 30's we also knew we couldn't wait too long before starting a family. We started with fertility treatments after a year and never were quite comfortable with them or felt that they were the correct decision for us to pursue our dream of having a family.

In July of 2001 I read an article on the Internet about a local couple who had adopted from the Ukraine. I spoke with Josh about the possibility of adoption. I thought what a novel idea . . . Adoption; it only made sense, being I was adopted.

We met with this couple and they explained the process they took to adopt their child. They covered everything from paperwork in the United States and Ukraine to the actual process in Ukraine, including travel to and from Ukraine. It didn't take long to make our decision. Seeing their precious little boy was enough for Josh to be convinced that this was the right decision for us. We knew that for us it was going to be the end of May 2002 before we could travel and be away from our jobs, so that was our target date. So the process began.

We didn't contact anyone to assist us initially with the paper work, as much of it is available on the web and our new friends were willing to help us with each step we needed to take with composing our dossier. By the end of January 2002 we were finishing our home study and had all the needed documents for our dossier with the exception of INS approval.

At that time, our concern became who was going to help us from this point. Doing an independent adoption was not for us and using an agency was out financially. When searching the Internet during the paper trail process, Sense Resource Center (SRC), Inc. kept coming up on my searches. They are a non-profit organization assisting in adoptions in Ukraine. This seemed to be the best avenue for us. So we began to inquire about their procedures, cost, etc.

If we ever needed convincing that adoption was the right choice for us all we had to do was watch our journey fall into place by February 2002. In Mid-March of 2002, our dossier was complete and being sent to the National Adoption Center (NAC) in Ukraine and with the NAC approval of the dossier, Sense Resource Center could have us in Ukraine the end of May looking for our child. Outside of our nervousness and impatience, we never encountered a problem getting to this point of the journey.

With all of this in mind, there was one factor that we hadn't approached; we needed to look at how we were going to be able to financially afford continuing with this process. A loan was the only way we would be able to travel by the end of May. For me, the Internet has become a wealth of information regarding adoption. While searching on the Internet A Child Waits Foundation kept coming up. I figured I might as well contact the Foundation to see if this was a possibility, as we ran into the obstacle of banks not issuing loans for adoption.

After applying for the loan with A Child Waits Foundation, we were approved and they provided us with the finances we needed to help finish the adoption process. Now the only thing that we needed to concentrate on was getting ready to leave for the Ukraine and on what child(ren) we would find when arriving in Ukraine.

On May 22, 2002 Josh and I arrived in Kiev, Ukraine for our appointment at the National Adoption Center (NAC) on May 23, 2002. Our Project Coordinator from SRC, Naystia, met us at Borispal Airport. We went to the SRC office and met with the Office Manager, Yuri and our Facilitator, Serge. We were then put up in a flat and went out to dinner with Yuri and discussed the process that was going to occur and what steps we would take to find our Ukrainian Angel(s). May 23, 2002 we went to the Adoption Center and waited and waited and waited. When traveling to the Ukraine always remember to bring your patience and maybe even an extra dose of them. There is always a lot of waiting. After meeting with Mrs. Kunko, the NAC director, we met with a psychologist to look through picture after picture of available children for adoption. After about 1 ½ hours we had chosen four children to visit. The first referral was to see two children in the Kiev Region in the same orphanage. The children were a 27-month old girl and a 3-year-old boy. The second referral was to see two children, a boy and a girl, both were 7 years old in the Sumy Region but in different orphanages.

Keep in mind when considering adopting from Ukraine, there are many children available and most of them will carry some sort of health issue from mild and correctable to very serious and life threatening. This was exactly the case with the first two children. When Josh and I saw them we immediately knew we would not be able to provide an adequate home for them as we would not be able to deal with their medical issues.
We had requested children as young as possible but after seeing those two children we knew that God was pushing us in another direction. I remember thinking why would we have been sent to see children that we could never possibly help. There must be a specific child that is meant to be ours. I also questioned why the children that we had chosen to see had such a variance in age. Never did we entertain the thought of bringing home an older child other then jokingly that we would not have to deal with daycare and diapers.

We took an overnight train to Sumy on May 24th. We were scheduled to see a girl in Sumy, the city, at 9:00 a.m. on May 25th. We arrived at the orphanage and waited for the director to come. When the director arrived we talked about the girls' history and medical issues. Then the director requested that the girl (Ruslana) be brought to us. This is the one moment in my life that I will never forget. In walked a beautiful 7-year-old girl with a smile on her face and eyes as bright as the morning sun. I instantly looked at Josh and we both knew this was our child. There is no question about it.

We visited with her for a few minutes via Serge and then she left for a snack. When Ruslana returned she pulled a chair up next to Josh and began talking and playing with him. She kept telling Serge that she did not understand a word that we were saying to her but that was ok because she would teach us to speak her language. One time she even told Josh to be quiet and let her do the talking because she did not understand him.
We were always told not to rush to make a decision on a child. Take time to talk with each other before making a commitment, as this decision will stay with you for a lifetime. Leave the room or leave the child to discuss your decision. We have never been known to follow too much advice from others and besides there was no discussion needed. Even Serge kept looking at us and asking if we were sure about this or if we wanted to discuss it for a while before deciding. Ruslana was going to be coming home with us no matter what. She even informed Serge that she would be leaving with us. I personally believe that she woke up that morning and decided that today is the day that my family is going to show up and I will finally have a true home. The smile on her face said it all for us.

The ironic thing about not rushing to make a decision on Ruslana was that we were rushed because she was scheduled to leave for France two days after we met her. The decision needed to be made quickly because they needed to pull back her travel documents. My thought was "how does a 7 year old decide on a trip to France or a new family". And what if she made the wrong decision? Luckily she did choose having a family, and besides she had been to France the year before so to her it wasn't a big deal. She had never had a family.

We left Sumy to travel to the boy's orphanage. We really wanted to come home with two children. We drove what seemed like hours to this orphanage. When we arrived, again we met with the director before meeting the boy. We spent about an hour with him and just didn't seem to connect with him. I don't know if the sequence of meeting the children made a difference or what the outcome would have been but something told me there was a better suited family for this young boy than ours. (And there was; he has since been adopted.) Especially with Ruslana's personality I was afraid he would be over-looked because of her. We all left and went back to Sumy. Josh and I talked long that night about the little boy and came to the decision that we would have to leave him behind. After that decision we had to decide if we wanted to keep looking for another child or stop with Ruslana. If we continued to look we would have to go back to the NAC and travel to other regions. One thing we knew was that the time that we could spend with any child while in the Ukraine with the benefit of a full time translator was too valuable to not take advantage of. We wanted any child to be comfortable with us before we left Ukraine. We decided that the bonding with Ruslana was too important to continue traveling and searching for another child. Little did we know what was going to happen when we went to court?

On May 27th our petition for adoption was filed in court and our court hearing was scheduled for June 3rd. If the judge granted immediate execution we feasibly could be back in the States by June 10th. Serge & Naystia started the endless paper trail that was needed for the adoption to be complete. Serge from Sumy was handling the legwork of the paper trail and as each document was completed it was either faxed or went by overnight train to Naystia to complete the requirements at the NAC. There were meetings with inspectors, registers office, main orphanage director, requesting paper of loss of parental rights and many other documents. During the next 5 business days we were constantly going to different offices, and of course visiting Ruslana in the late afternoon/ evening when the business of the day was done. By the weekend we were able to keep her all day and return her in the evening.

Ruslana was amazing throughout all of this. She always had a smile even on days when things weren't going well with paper work; she would bring us back into a good mood. Of course she never understood the problems that we were facing with her adoption process. All she understood about being adopted was that a couple had to come and they needed to bring a lot of papers, a translator, and a lot of money and then they could adopt a child. She was right on all three accounts but somehow the process just wasn't that simple.

June 3rd finally arrived and we were at the courthouse by 8:30am for our 9:00am appointment. Court proceedings were very simple. The petition for adoption was read, the judge asked Josh and I questions about our home, jobs, lifestyle that Ruslana would come into, educational services that would be provided, language acquisition, etc. The inspector spoke that there was no objections to this adoption as well as a representative from the orphanage stating that they also did not object and there was no interest from Ukrainian family's or Ruslana's biological family.

The judge granted the adoption. Ruslana would have her name changed to Emily Marin Sanchez. No immediate execution of the court decree was granted. In other words, Emily is ours but we are not going to be able to leave the country with her for 30 days. The 30 days is law, so that there is time if anyone who wishes to contest the adoption. The judge has the right to waive the law, if there are extenuating circumstances to the child or parent. Being Emily was a healthy 7-year-old child and there were no extenuating circumstances, like both of us having to return to work, (I am in education and had the summer off) other than wanting to get back to America and become a family and provide her with the resources that she could have to learn English and give her time to adjust, there was no immediate execution of the court decree. We would be free to take custody of Emily on July 4, 2002 and not a day sooner.

As exciting of a day as adopting Emily should have been, we were very heart-broken because we could not take her immediately into our custody. There were so many decisions that needed to be made in such a short time. Would both Josh and I leave and then come back when the 30 days were over? Should one of us stay in Ukraine with Emily? I would be the one to stay, as I did not have to report to work until July 18th. What effects would it have on her if we both left and then one of us returned? Would she have feelings of abandonment? The answers came very easy actually. Josh would return the next day to Kiev to start his journey back to America. I would stay with Emily in Sumy so that we could continue our bonding and start working on her English acquisition skills. Serge had agreed to stay on with me in Sumy which I knew would be a blessing for the transition process as well as learning English and me understanding enough Ukrainian to survive with her once we returned to America.

On June 4, 2002, Serge and I put Josh on a train back to Kiev and the count down of the 30 days started. We were able to see Emily everyday and take her from the orphanage pretty much whenever we wanted. I referred to we being Serge and I because after such a long period of time together, Serge went from being Serge the translator to Uncle Serge. Emily and he bonded as friends as Emily and I bonded as mother & daughter. It really became a very dynamic situation to be able to communicate through Serge to Emily. And of course Serge quickly learned that the quickest way to Emily's heart was through ice cream. Ice Cream became a daily treat for her. Whenever she asked for ice cream, Serge went and got it.

For the first week, the orphanage would not let Emily stay overnight with us, so everyday it was back and forth to the orphanage to pick her up and take her back. It was very difficult to keep returning her to the orphanage because she was technically our child just not legally until July 4th. How do you explain to a child that has spent most of her life institutionalized that "yes you have a family but you just can't be with them yet?" Finally by that weekend the orphanage director was comfortable enough to let her stay with us from Friday morning to Sunday night. All I can say about that is "Wow!" Friday was great. We took her to a park and just constantly played with her. Then it was time to go to bed. Serge had gone out for the evening and during the time Josh was there neither of us had bothered to get his phone number. Needless to say I still didn't have it. Now I have put children to bed and never had a problem except that they need to go to the restroom and then they need a drink of water etc. Put a communication barrier in the process and it gets a little sticky. Not only the communication barrier but also this was the first night that she had ever stayed away from her groupa except when she was in France and then there were still other children staying with her.

The motherly thing to do is put a young child to bed about 9:00 p.m., which is around when she went to bed at the orphanage. She kicked, screamed, slapped and yelled. This went on for about two hours. On top of it all I was getting phone calls from the States by various people. Finally at about 10:00 pm I had enough. This was going to be my final trip to the bedroom to put her to sleep. I sat on the side of the bed in tears, and Emily crawled up on my lap like a little baby, put her thumb in her mouth and I rocked her and rocked her. About 10:10pm Serge had called to see if everything was all right. I had told him no and what was wrong. He told me that he was coming home. I told him that I didn't want him to come home just because of this. I knew if I was really going to be a mother I was going to have to figure this out on my own. I knew that once we returned to the States I was not going to have a translator available. Finally when she was ready she got off my lap and went to sleep. This was the only night that she did this while we were in Ukraine or since returning to the States. Now bedtime is easy. I can't explain it but I know that this is when I really became Emily's mother.

I personally believe that the extra time that Emily and I had together in Ukraine and with a translator made a difference in her transition process. Adopting an older child, who understands enough of what is going on with the adoption process, has only known orphanage life, and only speaks Ukrainian, is not the same as adopting a baby. The transition is more difficult for both the child and the parents. When Josh and I left for Ukraine, we thought we wanted a child as young as possible, what we got is what God had in mind for us and found the perfect child to add to our family.

Within the 30 days, Emily learned the ABC's, started identifying objects in English, and would take out books and copy letters of the Roman alphabet because she wanted to. She stressed often that she needed to learn and wanted to learn English. Daily, she would say, "English Mama, English" and we would start another English lesson. Serge stopped speaking Ukrainian to her one weekend and she thought it was a game because she knew that he could understand her yet was going to respond to her in English. We thought that would help her English but it didn't. To her it was fun.

As long as the 30 days started out to be, when we hit June 18th it was all down hill. The next two weeks flew by. The final week or so, Emily was pretty much with us non-stop. I only returned her once for one night and then picked her up again. Serge and I discussed that on July 4th we would need to leave her at the orphanage while we continued to complete the adoption with the final paperwork.

July 4th, Independence Day, the date now has a new meaning to our family. Someday, we hope that Emily will understand that not only is it the day America received its freedom, but also the day she received her freedom from the orphanage and actually had a real family to call her own. Ironically, we didn't even see Emily that day. As soon as we received the court decree we were off to Shotska to change her birth certificate. Like I said before, when traveling to Ukraine, bring your patience, as what is important to you really isn't that important to anyone else. You will sit and wait. And once again we did.
On the way back to Sumy, our driver decided to take a short cut through a grain field and ended up making the trip an hour longer than it should have been. Of course, I can't fail to mention that he also left me at a gas station and didn't realize I wasn't in the car until Serge reminded him. Anyway, between that and waiting to change her birth certificate, we did not get back to Sumy until evening and it was too late to get Emily and definitely too late to get her passport done which was the next task that needed to be done along with notarization and registration of the birth certificate. Translation; add one more day to this trip. But after 45 days in Ukraine what was one more day. Except to our family back in the States one more day was an eternity. Especially when this would be the second time they were told there would be a delay on us arriving.

Finally all of the paper work was done and complete in Sumy on July 5th. Serge and I went to pick up Emily from the orphanage for the last time, other than to visit the other children the next day and say good-bye.

The goodbye party at the orphange.

Finally, it was the day that I did not have to return her. She was ours forever. We would be leaving for Kiev the next morning and then would have our appointment at the medical center on the 8th of July and the U.S. Embassy on the 9th of July. Then it would be off to Warsaw to the U.S. Embassy to obtain her immigrant visa. Finally on the 10th of July, Emily's visa was in my hands and we were set to leave on the 11th for Minnesota. From the time we left Kiev until we arrived in America, a little girl who had only known the life of an orphanage stayed in a 5-star hotel in Warsaw and had her seats bumped up to World Business Class to America. She watched Ice Age on her own personal TV all the way home.

She arrived to family and friends greeting her with hugs and gifts. If ever in my lifetime I need to be humbled, I will always remember the first time Emily received a gift and did not know how to open it. And then when she received another one wanted to give it away to my 6-year-old niece because Emily did not understand that the gifts were for her and they would be things that would be hers forever.

In the past month that Emily and I have been back in America, Josh and I have received many of these humbling experiences through Emily and her eyes on the world. She looks at each day as a gift that she has received and each new experience that she has as an adventure. Josh and I look at Emily as a gift that we have been given. I can't say that she is a perfect child but for our family she is the perfect child. Many times during the day, I will sit quietly and watch her at what ever she is doing, and I am amazed at how lucky Josh and I are that Emily chose us to be her parents. Why she was still in the orphanage after so many years, I will never understand? She is one of the most loving, caring, and grateful children I have ever seen in my life. I truly believe that God has a plan for every child; I believe that He held Emily in his care for 5 ½ years until we made our way to find her.

On May 25th, 2002 when we found Emily, Josh and I knew were blessed by many people who assisted us with this journey to find Emily. We are eternally grateful to Sense Resource Center, for the fabulous staff, In the United States as well as Ukraine to assist with this process, Serge, our facilitator, and now friend, for putting up with two lost Americans one for 2 ½ weeks and the other for 7 weeks, A Child Waits Foundation, for helping fund our adoption through a loan that is affordable to us, and the orphanage for giving Emily the courage and independence to seek us out to find her family and for taking such excellent care of her until we finally arrived to take her home.

First Family Photo

Family Update

Emily is doing great. She has finished 2 weeks of school without to many problems. Her conversational English is improving everyday but we have a long way to go as far as her reading and writing skills. She is now starting to mix up letters in the alphabet with letters that ound very similar "t=p". Her frustration level is increasing as is mine because I know she knows these things. Patience in education was never my virtue. On a good note she continues to want to learn and loves to go to school. We figure that is half of the battle and as long as that isn't a struggle it is a good sign. We have struggled with the decision of dual language verse monolingual language and have opted for monolingual. However, our dual language program is in English and Spanish and I am not sure I am ready for her to learn two languages at the same time even though she is picking up some Spanish on her own.

She continues to grow. At her appointment with the pediatrician she was 54 pounds and 46 inches tall. I am thinking she has grown at least an inch since then. She still has her mother's personality and is as stubborn as could be. Occasionally we do suffer from temper tantrums and over stimulation but not very often. Most days are pretty calm.

Our addition of Emily has been a true blessing to our household and our lives. It seems hard to believe sometimes that she hasn't always been here. For me, I wish that somewhere between May 22nd when I arrived in Ukraine and July 11th when I left Ukraine someone would have forewarned me of how drastically the trip to Ukraine was going to change my life and my family.

On August 29th we had a 15-year-old foreign exchange student Pavlo (Pasha) from Zaporizhzhya Ukraine move in with us. This was not a planned situation it just sort of happened as his original host family left him stranded at the airport. Word got to us about the situation and it just seemed to make sense that he live with us. We had met him two weeks prior to him moving in with us but it was really back and forth as to whether he was going to move in with us. Then the call came. I felt like I was adopting all over again. The only difference is he is here until May and Emily is forever. If anyone ever wants to know how to get through the language barrier with adopting older children I think I have found the solution. Just bring in a foreign exchange student. Emily and Pasha adore each other. If Pasha does something then so must Emily. If Josh and Pasha go somewhere there is Emily. I laugh but he doesn't seem to mind. He has a 3-½ year old sister in Ukraine so Emily helps with him missing her.

Like I said, if anyone had told me on May 22nd when I landed in Ukraine I was going to stay for seven weeks and that by August 29th, 7 weeks later, I was going to be a mother to a 7 year old girl and a 15 year old boy within two months of each other I would have died laughing. It's funny how sometimes we just don't know what we want until it is sitting in front of you.

Josh, Connie

Emily and Pasha

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