Tamara M.
China 2012
I got “the call” on February 17th, the call that all prospective adoptive parents wait for. You know the one? It starts with “Hi, I’m calling about a possible referral of a child.” I had requested a 3-5 year old little girl from India. I had a long list of logical reasons for requesting an older child, all of which disintegrated as soon as I heard that the child for me to consider was not quite 2. “Is that too young?” my agency asked. Absolutely not! Before I could share the news with my family I was already in love, and I hadn’t even seen a picture.
Thalia was born prematurely in April of 2009. She remained in the NICU for 19 days. Following this it was determined that she required blood transfusions to address her hypogammaglobulinemia. Tragically, the blood or instruments were contaminated because Thalia developed septicemia and remained hospitalized until September. She was nearly 5 months old and had never been outside of the hospital! Thalia must have been a fighter, even at birth. How could I help but anticipate meeting such a strong personality inside this little person? But her prematurity and subsequent illness left its mark. Thalia was developmentally delayed. Her physical exams always reported that she was a tiny, underweight baby and she was behind on major milestones including standing, walking, speaking, eating, etc. How severe these delays might be was anybody’s guess. But I took the plunge. I felt that my child had been chosen by a higher being than me, or even my agency. I had faith that Thalia was meant to be my own.
Even with that conviction, I didn’t immediately accept the referral but did request further blood tests. Finally, everything was in place and I signed my name to the Child Study Report on March 31st. Can you believe that I hadn’t even completed my dossier yet? I frantically worked to gather all the necessary documents and get them notarized, apostiled, and off to my agency as a complete dossier. It was now mid-April and I couldn’t wait to meet my daughter. I optimistically thought that she would come home in September-October. What a dreamer! India’s Central Adoption Resource Authority (CARA) had decided to re-organize and institute new guidelines. Nobody could predict how these changes would influence my adoption so I waited with baited breath, hoping for a smooth adoption journey. While I waited for the No Objection Certificate (NOC) to be issued from India I dreamed. I dreamed of Thalia joining me and my older daughter to complete our family. I dreamed of how our life would be, and I planned. I planned for the services and care that Thalia might need once she arrived home. In July my NOC was issued and everything seemed to be progressing perfectly according to my plan.
Until a Friday afternoon in late September. That’s when I got another call. This call said that the judge in Thalia’s home state of Maharashtra wanted me to travel to India for the court appointment. Sounds great, right? Nope. Unfortunately, none of her immigration paperwork would be ready for 6-8 weeks following the court date. This would require either an extended stay in India or a second trip. Now I must tell you, I’m not rich, in fact, far from it. I had scrimped and saved for several years to afford the costs associated with adoption. My older daughter and I lived on an extremely tight budget. She’d be horrified for the world to find out that we have neither cable nor internet in our home! I cut everything extra from our budget and thought that all the anticipated adoption costs were covered. Never did I anticipate two trips to India. After discussing the situation with my agency we decided to appeal to the judge to reconsider her position. She did not. CARA tried to convince the judge that requiring two trips constituted undue hardship on the family. There was no change. At that time I realized that the judge had the advantage because she wasn’t waiting on pins and needles to hear that Thalia was mine. In November I caved. I booked a flight to India over the week of Thanksgiving, leaving my older daughter behind, and traveled to India for a November 25th court date. For the few days that I was in India, Thalia stayed with me in my hotel. It was just the two of us and it was a pretty rough situation for both of us. You see, the judge expected to see some form of bond between Thalia and myself. I was supposed to achieve this in 2 ½ days! Anyone familiar with adoption, or toddlers for that matter, understands what an impossible task this seemed. Yet the judge saw something that satisfied her need to see us together. My guess? Thalia wasn’t throwing herself out of my arms onto the floor. Thalia returned to the orphanage and I left India that very night. Legally, Thalia was now mine, but with no legal documents available I had to leave my newest daughter on the other side of the world and return back to my everyday life.
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Leaving Thalia was very difficult. My return journey home seemed interminable. Going back to work and thinking about everyday things was torture. But by far the most difficult aspect of that time was wondering how I would afford a second trip to India. The last of my resources, and friends and family resources, had been exhausted. Even though it was predicted that Thalia would legally be able to leave India in early January, I was expecting that I would be unable to travel to get her until that summer, at the earliest.
I began searching for adoption granting agencies. Many had very strict requirements about the type of applicant or the type of child being adopted. For some agencies, my single status made me ineligible to apply to their program. My own adoption agency referred me to A Child Waits Foundation. I filled out the preliminary application and was thrilled to hear that I met all the requirements for my application to be considered. Shortly after the winter holidays Mrs. Cynthia Nelson contacted me to tell me that I had been chosen as a recipient of a grant. I cried because a way had been shown for me to bring home Thalia. I traveled to India on February 1st and we both returned home on February 8th. What an amazing journey we have had. Thalia has been a member of my family for fewer than four months but you would never guess when you watch her in action. She is a firecracker and her eyes sparkle in a way that makes people happy to just be around her.
Thalia’s transition to the family was quite smooth, but not without a few bumps along the way. My daughter had some serious cuts on the bottoms of her feet, presumably from lack of shoes. In fact, she slept with her shoes under her arms for the first week she was with me, and would have continued to do so if I hadn’t put a stop to it. She suffered from nightmares for a time, and would cry out of “Ma” which to my dismay and grief didn’t indicate that she wanted me anywhere near her. Thalia also suffered, and still does, from difficulties with eating. I have spent many a morning preparing pancakes or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, two things that she can eat without difficulty. Our speech therapist believes that Thalia probably wasn’t introduced to solid foods until very recently. Did I mention she just turned 3? How sad, but by far the most concerning issue has been Thalia’s ears. She has most likely suffered from chronic ear infections, two of which I have seen myself. What a trooper, she never once cried out at the pain! A specialist has verified a hole in one ear drum and was unable to visualize the second drum due to extreme wax accumulation, yet it seemed clear that my little butterfly was not hearing very well. It’s no wonder that her speech was/is delayed and is very garbled. Like the parent of any toddler, I understand much of what she is saying, and I am privileged to serve as her interpreter to the rest of our family.
In just a few days Thalia will receive a hearing evaluation. Whatever news I receive won’t change the joy within this child which she shares with every person she comes into contact with. It is hard for me to believe that this bundle of joy is mine forever. I am eternally thankful to A Child Waits Foundation for uniting me with my child. Without their generous assistance I might still be dreaming of that first smile, first hug, first kiss. Today she is my butterfly. I could talk about her beautiful spirit for hours and hours, but now I’m getting the best call of all…”Mama?” and it’s a call I have waited my whole life to hear and to answer.
Tamara M.
I began searching for adoption granting agencies. Many had very strict requirements about the type of applicant or the type of child being adopted. For some agencies, my single status made me ineligible to apply to their program. My own adoption agency referred me to A Child Waits Foundation. I filled out the preliminary application and was thrilled to hear that I met all the requirements for my application to be considered. Shortly after the winter holidays Mrs. Cynthia Nelson contacted me to tell me that I had been chosen as a recipient of a grant. I cried because a way had been shown for me to bring home Thalia. I traveled to India on February 1st and we both returned home on February 8th. What an amazing journey we have had. Thalia has been a member of my family for fewer than four months but you would never guess when you watch her in action. She is a firecracker and her eyes sparkle in a way that makes people happy to just be around her.
Thalia’s transition to the family was quite smooth, but not without a few bumps along the way. My daughter had some serious cuts on the bottoms of her feet, presumably from lack of shoes. In fact, she slept with her shoes under her arms for the first week she was with me, and would have continued to do so if I hadn’t put a stop to it. She suffered from nightmares for a time, and would cry out of “Ma” which to my dismay and grief didn’t indicate that she wanted me anywhere near her. Thalia also suffered, and still does, from difficulties with eating. I have spent many a morning preparing pancakes or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, two things that she can eat without difficulty. Our speech therapist believes that Thalia probably wasn’t introduced to solid foods until very recently. Did I mention she just turned 3? How sad, but by far the most concerning issue has been Thalia’s ears. She has most likely suffered from chronic ear infections, two of which I have seen myself. What a trooper, she never once cried out at the pain! A specialist has verified a hole in one ear drum and was unable to visualize the second drum due to extreme wax accumulation, yet it seemed clear that my little butterfly was not hearing very well. It’s no wonder that her speech was/is delayed and is very garbled. Like the parent of any toddler, I understand much of what she is saying, and I am privileged to serve as her interpreter to the rest of our family.
In just a few days Thalia will receive a hearing evaluation. Whatever news I receive won’t change the joy within this child which she shares with every person she comes into contact with. It is hard for me to believe that this bundle of joy is mine forever. I am eternally thankful to A Child Waits Foundation for uniting me with my child. Without their generous assistance I might still be dreaming of that first smile, first hug, first kiss. Today she is my butterfly. I could talk about her beautiful spirit for hours and hours, but now I’m getting the best call of all…”Mama?” and it’s a call I have waited my whole life to hear and to answer.
Tamara M.
